God, please hear me out. Please hear out my prayers...
I want to stay quiet.
I want to be able to conceal, and not depend on anyone.
I want to keep everything inside me, and never let it out.
I want to become a dependable person, who can still smile in spite of my raging heart.
I want to have better emotional control.
I want to be able to stay cool in any situation, keep everything inside. Make me a mask, so that I can fool the world...
God, please hear me out.

Aamiin

I don't have parents. I don't have friends. I have no one.
No one to depend on.
That's why, the feeling of being needed is my savior.
I want people to need me, but even that is impossible.
So, I'll just stay alone. Conceal. Put on a mask. Pretend everything's fine.
That's all I could do.

The Ice Angel's Curse

****prologue****
Time had stopped for me... Yes, it had stopped long ago. All the steps I take, all the decisions I make, lead me to the same place. I decided to run away. Build a barrier against the never-ending torture called "society". Then I made myself a mask, to conceal all feelings. The self-defence I made was splendid; not a single being can read me. Though, after a while something rised in me. Ah... Such a complicated feeling. I wonder what it's called...
***
It was a cold, yet gentle night. As usual, I was under my favourite tree, admiring the ever-so-grande Milky Way. The stars had never failed me, and I considered them to be my only ally in a world full of hypocritical humans. As I was staring into space, a scream pierced my ears. A painful, bloodcurdling scream. I stood up, searching for the source of the sound. Running wildly, the wind blew hard, as if trying to conceal the pleading howls. I reached a hill filled with lilies. The scent of blood tickled my nostrils. As I scanned the sea of blooming lilies, a disturbing scene assaulted my eyes. A beautiful, young girl, covered in blood, was lying helplessly amidst the blood coated flowers. She had long, white hair until the waist, and wore a long white dress. It was like the scene of a painting. Realizing my dumbfounded stare, she looked at me with pleading eyes.
"Help... me.... They're here to catch me... To catch you... too..."
With her last words, she lost all consciousness and left me alone.

Only the simplest reactions from you can make me this excited.

Do you know that I'm so happy to at least say a few words to you, even in necessity?
Please notice my feelings...

It's so nostalgic...
It feels like a year ago, and in the same time, 3 years ago.
Working together as a team, and finishing a piece of art.
I could stare at your back again,
Your broad back...
But, it still remains a mystery, who is your beloved one?

Who are you gazing at?
Who are you admiring?
Who made you walk that path?
Who are you following?
Isn't it me?
...it probably isn't, isn't it?
It's probably "her".
Is it even possible for you to be attracted to me?

Seolah dia bagian dari diriku, aku kehilangan topanganku. Aku kehilangan self-esteemku.
Seolah jiwaku hanya tinggal separuh.
Even though I weren't supposed to depend on you, it still feels like... I couldn't do anything without you.
I couldn't even smile, even if now I vowed to myself to trust no one. To do things by myself.
Everything was so forced.
I'm now enduring this all alone...
...no, it has just returned to the way things used to be before...
I wished to be alone, so... this is for the best.
One thing I want to confess, though...
I'm sorry, I couldn't feel happy for you. Even now, I consider you as a rival.
No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't feel happy for you. All of those were my fake smiles. All a mask, a facade to fool the world around me.
I couldn't cheer you up, I couldn't help you with anything. I couldn't become your guardian angel... I'm sorry.

...kimi wa daiji na hito desu.
Sekai de ichiban no takaramono. Sekai de ichiban taisetsu na mono.

Even now, I still think to myself,
"Is she the one?"
Even now, I still continue to wonder,
"Is she the target of your shy-yet-passionate gaze?"
Even now, I still doubt myself,
"Am I suited enough for you?"
Even now, my heart still screams,
"It's probably her! You have no chance!"
...and with that, I lost all self esteem.
You both have similarities that I don't have; you both share the same passion that I couldn't even keep up. Here I am, left out all alone, able to only gaze at your slowly disappearing figure.
No, even I'm forbidden to just sneak a peek at you.
All of these are painful, and yet, all I could do is just secretly admire you. Is that even allowed? It's probably a sin though...
Even with my almost-tattered-to-pieces heart, I still pray,
"May he notice my feelings, and return them to me someday...."

Despair and Love

It hurts to not know
Am I the one?
Is it me? Or is it someone else?
My heart aches, unable to hold back anymore
What do all those heavy sighs from you mean?
I just wanna know,
Are those melodies directed to me?
Until now, I have been suffocated by the darkness.
Even now, the water continues to pour in my lungs, suffocating me.
I need you! Let me stare at your back for a little while longer,
Let me feel your presence for a little while longer,
Let these feelings...reach you, before I finally depart from this ephemeral dream...