That morning, I met him.
My reaction wasn't normal. My meeting with him somehow gave a big impact to my heart.
That night, I had a dream about him.
I was head over heels with him.
There was one thing I realized about him...
He was my type. My 'prince'.
He loves Saber, as much as I do.
He's a male pianist.
He's a religious person.
He's introverted, yet, somehow manages to be an organization person.
He's taking an almost-similar major to me, one of biology's sub-branch.
Agricultural department, food science and technology.
He's charming, appealing.
Deeply, secretly, I'm falling for him.
Though I've had my eye on him for a while... I've suddenly realized and admitted my feelings.
30/07/2017
You're leaving me here. Alone. Suffering.
Why must you leave...?
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I'm all alone... I don't know anymore.
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Will I be okay?
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This is painful...
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I... regret everything.
Why must you leave...?
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I'm all alone... I don't know anymore.
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Will I be okay?
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This is painful...
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I... regret everything.
Another (Un)Ordinary Day (27/07)
I have no idea why I'm writing this...
The thing is, I...am extremely in love, and, God knows that being apart like this is suffocating.
Well, it's not like we're seeing each other and all, but... well... yea this is only an unrequited love.
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...I saw him today. I was extremely happy. My heart flutters whenever I see his face.
Ah, it's been too long since I've experienced a feeling this deep.
They say that being interested in someone for more than six months(?) means that it is not a feeling of liking or interest, it is the feeling of love. Welp, can't agree more on that one.
I've been loving you for more than two years now.
Loving you in silence.
Loving you in my dreams.
Loving you in my prayers.
Worrying about your condition every single day.
Yeah, I was happy when I saw you today.
It was unexpectedly dramatic, as when I turned around, I saw your face.
My heart raced like crazy, really.
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I wish you'll be okay.
I wish that one day this love will be returned... I hope we'll unite one day.
For now, I pray for you and I'll meet you in my dreams.
Sincerely,
Your secret admirer
An Ordinary Summer Night
Even though it says so... Like every night, it is painful.
The stars are very bright tonight... A stream of happiness fills my heart, but vanished in an instant. In it's place, hollow despair.
Despair...
My failures...
I wish I could escape these chains binding me. My wings have been torn off, and I don't think that they'll ever grow again...
I want to breakaway, I want to run, fly away. This is not my place, and yet, God has placed me here. An oddball. Me, just me alone. Of course, no one would understand me. I couldn't talk to anyone about my passion.
Why?
Why....can't I get what I want...
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I love the stars and all, and yes, they're my best-best friend, but looking at them somehow makes me feel...useless. I have no idea why... maybe I was reminded about how our bodies were made from stardust? I haven't a clue..
In nights like these, I think of you... Unconsciously, you come to my mind when I'm idle. I hate it.
We're really similar you know... That's probably why...
I love you... oh so much.
Even till now, even when we're apart, even when I know...
Another star's twinkling ever so brightly in your heart.
Yeah, I know. I'm a masochist.
But I can't help it.
God, I really really love you. I can't stand seeing you like this, but who am I? I can't do a thing...
I love looking at you from afar...
I really wish your happiness, but somehow, I'm getting selfish. I really want you to myself.
Yeah, I'm a sinful person.
Maybe loving you is another sin of mine.
I don't deserve this happiness.
I deserve sorrow, despair.
All the cheerfulness, it's a lie.
A LIE.
USO DA. USO DA. USO. USO USO.
Kiriha, on the verge of tears.
Pernah ngga sih ngerasa sendirian meskipun sebenarnya dikelilingi oleh banyak orang?
Pernah ngga sih ngerasa sebenarnya perhatian yang mereka berikan padamu itu justru mengekang dan membantumu?
Pernah kan pastinya merasa worthless gitu, kyk kamu butuh perhatian orang tapi ngga mau perhatian berlebih? But somehow, you need someone who really cares for you, someone you can trust your feelings to. You're longing for them, and after meeting one, you simply can't live without them. Can't let them go.
Yea... Aku sedang merasakan itu...
See, I was rejected.
I wasn't the one.
Ah, so what.
Can't I still watch over you from afar?
Ah, I probably won't hope anymore.
Your heart is somewhere else, right?
I'm probably just a nuisance. Yeah. A nuisance. A fly. A flea. Nothing more.
Of course it wouldn't work out. What were you thinking?
Self-assurance? Haha.
I am tired too... I also got a lot to think about, yet, I can't stop thinking about you.
But now, I want to stop. Put an end to this. The feelings that made my mind a mess,
That made my heart burst in sorrow,
Even if I still yearn to see you...
I won't hope for anything.
I'll try to be happy with your decisions now.
If it isn't me, so be it. I'll keep smiling at the world.
...
Jika kau jodohku, niscaya akan Allah dekatkan. Jika memang bukan, ya sudah. Mungkin kita tidak diciptakan untuk menopang satu sama lain.
I want to fly
I want to cry
I want to scream
I have no idea why this is so painful
...I love you. A lot. I care for you deeply. But I can't express it properly. I can't even greet you. I'd probably just shy away and watch you from afar.
The pain's building up, you know. Not only about you, but myself too.
But you know... You're filling my mind, and have always been. Till now I still haven't a clue about who that girl is. I can only make wild guesses, and it really hurts. Yeah.
I love you. I really do. How can I express it?
I love you. I notice all your pains. How can I help you ease it?
I love you. I'd try to be happy for you, I'd try to find out what you like...
I love you. From two years ago till only God knows when, I'll always love you.
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